baby kitties

loss and

losing it...

losing my breath, my strength, my hope, my dreams, my sanity, my fight against this ever encroaching as yet unnamed assault on my body.

losing my talents, knitting, spinning, cooking, baking, painting, candymaking

losing the ability to focus, remember, learn, read.

losing my looks, my hair, my own face replaced.

losing loved ones, the sympathy against this unknown monster fraying quickly. don't deny it. i haven't lost my perception yet.

losing my determination, my will

losing the battle. don't even know what battle i'm fighting.

losing it all.



 

adventures in two ply

                 merino and bamboo silk

pain management, michele style

1. try to struggle through the day as if nothing was happening.
2. smile and sing and chat and cook and make candy and drink wine, with and for your family while your spine screams at you.
3. give up.
4. rail at the world, the gods, karma...any and everything, everybody that brought you to this painful prison you are trapped in.
5. cry like a baby.
6. fall into a fitfull, miserable unrefreshing sleep.
7. drag your useless body out of bed.
8. start back at number 1.

catskill candy co....

...since i can no longer work. in corporate retail. and yeah i miss it. every day. every single day. i keep trying to find something. to keep me engaged in life. to keep me from just giving up...(really, how do you not give  up, when the work you are proud of, the work that made you, you...is gone? ) i have started making marshmallows. like a crazy person. like my life depended on it.

feeling blue.....

you spin me right round

On Deck....waiting for wheel time.

Experiments in Two Ply

Merino with Luster...Soy Silk, Bamboo etc.

short one.......

life isn't alot of fun right now.
 my doctor hinted that i may have to make some life style / dietary changes. guess what? i've decided....i'm keeping it full fat. and full frontal.  : P

FM

the world has stopped
this day into that day
into this day


smudgy and burning
tortured limbs
in this endless bed
this bed i stick to
magnetized


hot fat tears
pulsing spine
i wash my hair, why?

the world has stopped

this disability thing...

isn't any fun anymore. 
i used to be an intelligent, funny, creative force of nature. at least in my head i was. one or two people may have even agreed with me.


years of inactivity, months and months of pain and 'all my children' are robbing me of me.   

however....i am going down swinging. maybe i should be holding a paintbrush?

being broke...the bright side . part one.

our family has taken some serious financial hit in last couple of years.


curiously, there are some things that have been improved by the absence of that much needed second income (mine).


food.
food has never tasted so good.. in an effort to keep costs down i have had  to expand my grocery horizons - shopping the sales and creating meals around the cheapest ingredients Shoprite has to offer. i have learned to bake bread. nothing is tastier than just baked bread ...expensive packaged breads pale in comparison. i make my own mayonnaise. of course you can find a deal on the major brands here and there..but fresh mayonnaise is decadent, delicious and cheap. spread it on the bread you just made...well who needs anything else? except maybe coffee, formerly deep roasted gourmet beans...now Bustelo...3.49 a can. As rich and bold as any expensive fresh ground and seriously satisfying on a cold Catskill morning.

Hello....

is this thing on?

i'm late to the game....and i'm not entirely sure my life is exciting enough to blog about. but what the heck...it sure is prettier than Facebook.