loss and

losing it...

losing my breath, my strength, my hope, my dreams, my sanity, my fight against this ever encroaching as yet unnamed assault on my body.

losing my talents, knitting, spinning, cooking, baking, painting, candymaking

losing the ability to focus, remember, learn, read.

losing my looks, my hair, my own face replaced.

losing loved ones, the sympathy against this unknown monster fraying quickly. don't deny it. i haven't lost my perception yet.

losing my determination, my will

losing the battle. don't even know what battle i'm fighting.

losing it all.



 

adventures in two ply

                 merino and bamboo silk

pain management, michele style

1. try to struggle through the day as if nothing was happening.
2. smile and sing and chat and cook and make candy and drink wine, with and for your family while your spine screams at you.
3. give up.
4. rail at the world, the gods, karma...any and everything, everybody that brought you to this painful prison you are trapped in.
5. cry like a baby.
6. fall into a fitfull, miserable unrefreshing sleep.
7. drag your useless body out of bed.
8. start back at number 1.

catskill candy co....

...since i can no longer work. in corporate retail. and yeah i miss it. every day. every single day. i keep trying to find something. to keep me engaged in life. to keep me from just giving up...(really, how do you not give  up, when the work you are proud of, the work that made you, you...is gone? ) i have started making marshmallows. like a crazy person. like my life depended on it.